This as-told-to essay is predicated on a dialog with Uday Padyana, a mid-30s supervisor at a Large Tech firm in Silicon Valley. The next has been edited for size and readability.
After I first arrived in Silicon Valley in 2013 after relocating from India in my 20s, I wished to maneuver again.
My dad and mom and grandmother thought it was simply homesickness, however I would beforehand lived and labored exterior of my hometown, so knew that this wasn’t that feeling. It was as a result of I knew that working in Large Tech in Silicon Valley would change me into a distinct particular person and I would by no means transfer again.
It has been 11 years since then, and I believe I’ve gotten happier with my life right here now that I’ve labored at a few completely different jobs in Large Tech. However I’ve additionally missed out on so many issues again house — my household, associates, social circle, and sense of belonging.
Working within the US fits me extra, though I would have extra alternatives in India
I’ve interned and labored at a couple of different tech firms within the Valley, together with PayPal, and I am at the moment at a Large Tech firm. Previous to my present function, I additionally labored in Atlanta at a midsize tech agency, and outdoors the business for over 4 years as a knowledge analyst in Washington, DC.
There are extra alternatives in India. The tech business’s development price has been phenomenal there, particularly for the highest firms. If I labored the identical job for a similar firm in India, my wage would in all probability be about 60% of what I make right here, but I would in all probability be capable to save virtually twice the quantity I save right here.
That is as a result of the price of residing and taxes in Silicon Valley are larger than these in India. There isn’t any public transportation right here, so individuals both must have a automobile or pay for Uber, which is dear in comparison with India. Excessive-quality natural meals and consuming out right here can also be costlier, and hiring cleansing providers is cheaper in India. I even have larger bills right here due to my annual journeys again to see household in India.
However regardless of this, working within the US fits me higher than working in India due to my individualistic mindset. There is a flatter hierarchy basically, and I reply properly to environments with accountability, possession, and independence.
I additionally like that there is extra scope to discover eating places with cuisines from internationally, meet individuals from completely different international locations, and have entry to high networking locations, conferences, and lessons right here within the US.
I had reverse tradition shock after I first went house
The primary time I went again to India after three years of residing within the US, I had a onerous time adjusting. It was too sizzling for me and all the pieces felt smaller, together with my very own room, the place I would lived for years. I used to be extra delicate to noise; it is quieter within the US, whereas India is bustling with sounds on a regular basis, so I could not sleep. The air high quality was additionally worse.
Since I used to be upset, I threw tantrums like a young person. By the top of the journey, although, I noticed I used to be at fault since I used to be anticipating individuals to alter their methods and norms for me after I was solely visiting for a couple of weeks.
I made a decision to journey annually to India, a promise I have been in a position to preserve for essentially the most half.
Regardless of these common visits, I understand I’ve modified. I count on extra silence and private area. The summers have gotten even hotter in India, and I’ve develop into accustomed to air con and higher-quality wifi since we’ve them in every single place within the US. I’ve additionally forgotten some customs and have executed them incorrectly.
Due to my newly acquired mannerisms, preferences, habits, and life decisions, it is simple for my outdated social circle to see me as “the man who’s residing overseas.” If I say a phrase in an American means out of behavior, typically they suppose that I am doing it intentionally to point out off. Or if I say one thing authoritatively, it is assumed that I bought that confidence from residing within the US, not as a result of that was all the time my character.
I additionally see that I’d come throughout as snobbish now, so I’ve to consciously suppose by means of how I am coming throughout earlier than I say one thing. Some individuals again house suppose very competitively — they’ve hinted that they suppose I am simply plain fortunate, and if that they had the chance, they’d do it too and significantly better.
I missed out on relationships
My definitions of consolation, friendship, and relationships have additionally modified.
Texts on WhatsApp and calls again house aren’t as efficient as being in particular person with household and associates. WhatsApp calls can work for brief chats however aren’t pretty much as good for emotional conversations. It is troublesome to evaluate their emotional and bodily states, and there is additionally a better threat of arguments on account of misunderstandings.
Typically, associates or household do not share issues with me as a result of they suppose sure issues can be higher to be stated in particular person. I additionally do not share as a lot about my life with them as I’d’ve naturally if I have been round. I’ve missed many events the place individuals meet and reconnect — members of the family’ and associates’ weddings, childbirths, and different vital occasions of their lives.
I additionally did not evolve alongside my associates in India. I have never adopted their timelines and really feel much less peer strain. Variations in mindsets between my outdated associates and I’ve crept up over time, from meals and content material preferences to outlook on life.
I really feel like I may’ve grown sooner each materially and spiritually within the US due to the alternatives I had right here, and that won’t essentially be on the similar tempo because the individuals I grew up with.
I ponder what my life would’ve been like if I stayed in India
I am usually proud of my job and my expertise working in Large Tech right here.
Whereas I’ve no regrets about my alternative to maneuver to the US for a tech job, a part of me wonders what my life can be like now had I stayed again in India. Perhaps I’d’ve gone after desires I aspired to as a young person, like changing into an entrepreneur in tech or leisure.
However maybe this can be a little bit of wishful pondering. As a colleague right here put it, “Who is aware of, perhaps you’d have simply been a failure there — so many try to fail and only some succeed.” I haven’t got any means of understanding what may’ve been.
Dwelling someplace new modifications you internally and makes you a distinct particular person. I really feel too international right here and too international there. Even when I had all of the assets to return to India, it would be completely different — I’ve grown other than who I used to be. And as a lot as I actually just like the US, I am not from right here. I haven’t got the identical upbringing as many individuals right here, so there are delicate variations within the jokes, music, popular culture references, and even habits.
One factor I would love to do is to actualize all of my presents and really feel totally utilized, whether or not from a artistic standpoint or a tech and enterprise standpoint. I really feel I have never executed that a lot and largely have been flailing to make ends meet and get myself right into a “safer” state of affairs by having a job, insurance coverage, and financial savings.
However with the recession, there’s nothing protected, and I see that I may’ve simply taken dangers within the first place — on my startup thought, making an attempt to interrupt into the film business, and even taking a break to jot down a novel I’ve wished to jot down — and I can achieve this even now.
After I first moved to the US, I explored completely different frameworks for long-term pondering, reminiscent of Jeff Bezos’s well-known method of taking a look at your life from the perspective of your self at 80. I hope I could make extra aware future decisions to achieve an final result that I might be completely happy about after I’m in my 40s, 50s, or 90s.
If you happen to moved international locations for a job and want to share your story, e-mail Jane Zhang at janezhang@businessinsider.com.
